Mother's Day Tea Party

My darling sweetie climbs the steps out of the preschool in her step and close way. She is holding a coffee filter flower and wearing our favourite pink knit dress with her sparkly shoes from her big girl friend Kara. It's her turn to escort me into the tea party. It takes her longer than the other kids but she is third in line so the excitement is still building and no one is impatient yet. She leads me carefully to our table and takes my seat while offering me hers. She is too excited to speak and I can't stop speaking and asking her questions. There is a present and place setting for each mom. We are all thrilled of course. The kids get up and do two songs with actions. She places herself front and centre, joining in and looking at her class mates for clues. She is among them and apart. The bond between some of the other kids is not there for her but everyone is friendly and her main connection is to the teachers. Now in this moment, she and her mom are dressed up for a tea party and there are strawberries and cupcakes and songs. What else could possibly matter?

The Party

Five little girls grip the side of the crib with fierce glee. Their faces shine with naughty delight. This really is five little monkeys jumping on the bed. I grab the camera and get a few blurred shots. I'm trying to capture something, maybe proof that we are having a good time. There's no doubt about it. I'm the last to be convinced. I have been worried about this birthday party for weeks. Who should we invite? How many? Too many will overwhelm her and too few is too vulnerable to no-shows. I don't like relying on plan A. I need B,C and sometimes D. What will we do? Free for all or structured entertainment? Will anyone come? Does she have any friends? Will she have a good time? Will I? Who is this about?

This is the first birthday party for her that is somewhat directed by what she wants. Her younger birthdays were essentially celebrations with our adult friends and their kids; sharing milestones and toasting the survival of each early year. This year is different. Thankfully we are beyond survival. Now, these are her choices, her playmates from pre-school, daycare and the playground. I will barely know the parents and they won't know each other at all. They will see the best version of our mess. They will know we are sort of weirdos too with art and odd furniture and music and … why do I want to be so normal now when I have never cared before? Who is this about?

I sit in cake-making exhaustion the morning of the party, trying to hear God. Sometimes I can. I tried to quiet my mind and to escape the drift that creeps into the main stage so quickly. As my worries parade on through, I slowly notice an image of Lego treasure. I see gold plastic treasure chests and coins superimposed on the other thoughts. What the….? there is a moment of confusion and then I recognize the gentle teasing humour of a message from God. I'm chasing the wrong gold, fools gold, toy gold, fun, even useful, but ultimately the wrong focus. I suddenly know, deeply know, that only a few things matter right now and my current worries about the state of the house and trying to pass for normal, whatever that means, don't rank at all.

Now I stand watching my dear girl with her pals, having the best time. I see that she is not like them but she is also not that different. They all play together and all a little apart from each other. They wander around and find things they are interested in. My planned craft activity captures some interest for a time and then they drift off distracted by the pink doll palace that has shown up for birthday week. The kids crowd around the cupcake mountain when the time comes and my girl 'A' is front and centre. She knows this is her moment. She can't muster up enough wind to blow out the candles but she gets help from her brother and her friends. Yes, friends. The ensuing cake frenzy is as varied as the little party people. One licks off all the pink icing and leaves the cake before asking for more. Another eats around and around until reaching one last bite. My 'A' face plants right into the cake and comes up for air momentarily before diving again. I talk to parents and I like them all. The tenure track professor likes the tunes we are playing in the background. Parents tell us tales of their kids' accounts of 'A'. Tales of 'A' rescuing one from a fall. Tales of 'A' bossing another one around. She is a force to be reckoned with and she's making her way somehow.

I find that all that I fear, besides not having loads of food, is what everyone fears. Isolation. I am beating it back for my daughter and for myself. As it turns out, she is the least likely person to need help with that. Really, I should just get out of her way.

And so we celebrate and I do my best to let the worry rest. There will be more parties and kindergarten is looming but right now we celebrate 5 years of the life altering presence of Miss A.

The Pool

I stare at my ID card on the counter. The nice community centre cashier lady has not taken it to swipe another swim credit from my account. She has swiped my daughter's card and given us both wristbands the solid colour of the day indicating a child's entrance fee. I know from experience, I should be getting a patterned band. 

"Are you going to take my card?" I ask toward her back as she has moved on to another task. She turns surprised. "Oh no, you get in free as her attendant." For a split second, I don't know what she is talking about. Then I respond, "But I am her Mom and I'm just taking my daughter swimming like anyone else would at this age. She's only four." "Well," she instructs almost sternly but protectively too, "You shouldn't ever have to pay as the attendant of someone with a disability whether you're her Mom or not. You can alway get in free with her." 

So here it is. I am one of them. When my little duck 'A' was born, my main exposure to people with disabilities was from seeing them at community centres and pools with their attendants, hired or sometimes aging mothers whose little ducks would never leave the nest. My fearful mind immediately cast me into that role, my own body weakened from years of grief and neglect, supporting a child who would never swim or run or be free of needing me. 

I laugh. That fearful vision seems as far away from reality now as it was looming and oppressive then. My somewhat delayed but assertive pre-schooler is tugging me toward the change rooms eager to get on with her water adventure. I too, look forward to the joy of her clinging to me with squeals of delight as she navigates her favourite place. I don't have time to argue with this lady about whether I deserve a discount or not. I thank her and move on.

The next week, the same lady charged me full price. I didn't argue then either. The boss of me was tugging again, pulling us both forward into a future of moments of delight and sometimes uncertainty but always full of love.

Summer BBQ

Here's little A at a BBQ earlier tonight. My friend took the photo with her excellent uber camera. A is quite the party girl. I get that horrible song in my head "my girl likes to party all the time". I think it was Eddie Murphy in the 80's. It's true though. I put a dress on her and let her see herself in the mirror and she goes mental. She loves the outfits and she seems to get that a dress means a party. This one is a little pinafore for that sophisticated casual look.

It takes her ages to fall asleep on party nights though. It's tough to wind down. Like mother, like daugher.

I've gotta keep this short. I'm stealing time from sleep myself.

Birthdays

So, this post is about 2 months late. The kids were born 4 years minus one week apart so there is alot of birthday activity in early March. When T turned 1, we had a big bash to celebrate. It was more about us getting through that first intense year than about fun for him. Subsequent birthdays have been all about him. This year it seemed fitting to celebrate the two big milestones so we had another big bash. It was great, we may never do it again but it was super fun and a lovely way to celebrate our lovely girl's first year and our young man's fifth.

As in the past, we didn't get any pictures. We were too busy talking and dealing with cake and food and coming and going. Fortunately this time I handed our video camera to a friend and asked her to get some footage. It has taken me a long time to get any time to put this together but here is a little taste of birthday week 2010. The song in the video is Kooks by David Bowie. My friend S reminded me of this song just before A was born and it has been her best lullaby ever since.

A year ago we were leaving for Kamloops, shifting out of the shock of A's diagnosis and trying to find a shaky footing on the road to acceptance. We were also rejoicing at her new found successful breast feeding latch after a 6 week odyssey of trying everything. She has lead us on quite a journey since then. I have big hopes that she will continue to teach us and show us what really matters. Happy, happy birthday to both my magic love children and thank you both for landing on our little planet.

Crackers

I've been slammed by lack of sleep for awhile. Little A's patterns are all over the place and I can't seem to find a way to surf it. Anyway, the upshot is, no time for computer or anything really. It will pass. In the meantime, here's a shot of our lunch picnic in our yard this week. Finally some sun.

What a couple of hams.

This is the first we've spent time in our postage stamp sized front yard. We had a tenant up until Jan and he was a grumpy guy. It didn't feel private enough to hang out in our own yard but now we can! It's great!

Feed Me!

A is no longer a vegetarian. Well, I suppose she wasn't really a vegetarian since I was feeding her mama milk and I eat meat but as of this week she has tried turkey and chicken directly from the baby jars. She loves it. It's like we've been starving her and she was already eating well.

Here she is trying to eat her brother's shoulder.

We continue to be grateful for everything that works. Feeding is one of them.

4 is the new 13

I take little t to swimming lessons a couple of times per week. I've been determined to get him past the fear of getting his head wet. He's doing well and now he can stay with the instructor without me. I get a swim in and then we play afterward. A stays in the playcare during this time unless T is home.

The women's change room has an open shower. I usually wash his hair which he hates. Yesterday, I was proceeding with the dreaded hair wash when a little girl about t's age came in with her mom. Little t stopped his fussing and went completely quiet. I didn't have my glasses on but I could tell he was fascinated with the young lady. He started to pull away from me and then push me away. Finally he said, "Mom, move away from me!" I was biting back shock and laughter. The little girl rinsed her own hair with no fuss and moved on. I asked Tor if he wanted me to move away so he seemed like a big boy. He nodded.

We agreed to use hand signals next time.

...and since it's remembrance day, I hope you all had a chance to observe your moment of silence. We made it to the local cenotaph, late but in time to see the wreathes being laid.

Hallowe'en

It was cold and rainy the week before Hallowe'en so we were bracing for a showdown about wearing a raincoat over a costume but luckily the day was clear and brisk and the evening was beautiful with a spooky, cloudy moon.

Little t had two costumes. For months he had planned to be Spiderman but when he found out there was a no mask policy for his school party there was mayhem. He is very particular about his outfits. As you may know, everyday is Hallowe'en for t. He rotates between being a knight, pirate, cowboy or superhero. Most of these ensembles can pass for street clothes to the untrained eye but those in the know can see that his sweat pants with the special stitching at the knee are clearly for knights or ninjas. Anyway, we trudged up to the local charity shop and found a Superman costume for the school party. This worked well until his father brought him to school. He wanted to take his boots off but for safety reasons the kids need to keep them on throughout the program. He got quite upset that his 'look' wasn't right when T whipped out his handy new iphone and pulled up some pictures of superman with boots. Crisis averted. Whew.

Baby A calmly and happily consented to wearing the bunny hat. She's so great.

The evenings festivities consisted of a trip to the local kiddie train which was set up for a spooky ride. A and I went home after that. T & t went trick or treating with t's friend L. After only a few blocks they had more candy than they could carry. They went to L's house where the tradition is to dump the candy on the floor and eat as much as they can. This would normally horrify us as we have been careful to keep candy almost completely out of t's diet. However it turned out to be a stroke of genius. When he came home excited, hyper and happy he also had a stomach ache and hasn't really been too interested in the rest of the bag. Yay!

There's no party that can't be improved by a wig. Here's the family trying out some looks. T actually did wear that ensemble out and scared a few kids.

Summer Fun

We've been having a lovely summer here. The weather is good and since we've discovered the really big deserted beach, we've spent more time in the sand than any summer I can remember. To be fair, I can't remember much these days with the interrupted sleep but we are definitely getting our beach fix. Our local park also has a wading pool and an activity coordinator to help entertain the kids. When T. is busy, we usually manage to spend time there having fun.

When I can manage not to worry about A. and the future, which is surprisingly more often than not, things are really lovely and fun these days. She must be working her magic on me already.

So here are a few shots of some fun we've been having, in no particular order.

Beach time on Canada Day


Windy Ferry ride

A. wondering how she's going to escape this crazy family.


No running on the pool deck!


Beach Ball

Visit to Farfar and FarMor

There are many days when I'm way too tired to write anything. Other days we are way too busy. That was one of my hesitations in starting a blog but I'm still glad I started because I've felt more in touch with all of you and I've met a few nice people from around the world besides. I still haven't joined Facebook though. I can't imagine having time for that too.

So, a few weeks have passed since we visited Farfar and Farmor (father's father and father's mother in Danish) on the island but it was great fun and it's worth posting a few pictures. As usual we feasted like royalty. They always put on a huge spread of delicious food. We also visited a local beach which we had never seen before and the fisherman's wharf. Little A enjoyed being held and loved by her grandparents and t as always, enjoyed being a big ham for everyone.

Here are FF and FM on the beach


Here are t and FF showing off their belt buckles.


Cowboy t found a good horse


Cuddles with FM


Story time with FM

Boys Fishing Trip

Well, I have a backlog of material from weeks past but I can't wait to post events chronologically.

Big T and little t just got back from a super luxe fishing trip arranged by T's buddy who has a lodge on the west coast of the island. They had a wonderful time and caught a coho to boot. This photo was taken from an iPhone (not ours) and sent to me in near real-time. How exciting. I could almost feel the sea spray. t was very reluctant to leave me at first but of course once he was there he was reluctant to come home. He seems to take a developmental leap each time he takes a trip. Once again, he is cranked up to 11.


In the mean time A and I had lots of fun hanging out at home, hiking with Auntie M, baby VV and doggy T, visiting Auntie S and Uncle B and more visiting with Auntie L. We thought we'd be cleaning house but it's way more fun to be with friends. This photo was taken from my new Nokia 6301 2 mp camera. Not too exciting for a phone but a huge improvement over my old one.

Various goings on

Sometimes days and days go by and there's just no time to sit down and write. We are trying to purge our place of unused clothes, toys, papers and junk. In between we have doctor's appointments for A, kids' birthday parties and beach days. A is 13.5 pounds and 60 cm. Her pediatrician is very happy with her progress. Her eyes are ok too. They were checked last week and although she is more far-sighted than normal for this age, it's not worth correcting with glasses at this point. I suspect someday she will join most of the rest of her family in sporting some sassy eyewear but I'm glad it's not this soon.

I'm trying to fit in some reading. A friend gave me a book called 'the MemoryKeeper's Daughter'. It's a fictional story about a family who had twins in the 60's, a girl and a boy. The girl had DS and the father who was a doctor sent the girl to an institution. The nurse can't leave her there and decides to bring her up as her own. The book runs parallel narratives of what happens to both families. It's very well written and pretty emotional. I don't read much at a time but I do love this book.

Here is a picture of us at a recent patio party that got rained out. We're dressed up because the theme was come in your favourite wedding party outfit. I'm wearing the bridesmaid dress I wore for Sue's wedding (with a crazy boa just for kicks). Tor asked me what kind of animal it was. Polyester my son, polyester. A is wearing her new dress from Auntie A. Tor's outfit speaks for itself. He is all cowboy these days.

Let us eat cake

Well, we've had quite a weekend. Our friends Gary and Valeria got married on Friday. The day was amazingly beautiful and best of all we were right on time for the ceremony! Those of you who have waited for us to show up somewhere know that that is quite an accomplishment. The reception was held at a manor at the university which had indoor and outdoor space. G&V staffed it with nannies to handle babies and kids so everybody had a great time.

Party Dress


Party shirts


On Saturday, we had dinner with our friends from Seattle. It was their youngest son's birthday so we had a barbeque and cake to celebrate.

Today, we headed to the beach in the morning and then to a 4 year old friend's birthday party for pool and sprinkler fun and of course more cake. It was great but we're looking forward to a quiet week coming up. We have more summer fun to plan and lots of household tasks to tackle.

Awesome new (to us) local beach. We're not sure if those seats are always there but don't they look great?


How much more cake can one kid eat?