K-Day

It's K-Day minus 1.

I have long pictured the moment she walks into that classroom, wondering whether I'm going to lose it or maybe after all the worry and planning and shifting and practicing that has lead up to that 15 seconds, it'll just feel matter of fact. I will want to let it all go but I will know that the worry is not over and may never be. If experience is any indication, she is likely to dive right in and not so much as glance my way in acknowledgment of the anxiety cloud hovering there waiting for some reassurance that I'm not breaking anything by stepping away.

As it turns out, I won't even be there. Weeks ago I had to commit to a meeting at work, an unmovable HR meeting. How the bloody H could I possibly know that it would conflict with her first gradual entry hour in Kindergarten? Part of me is incredibly frustrated and part of me suspects that the weirdly impossible coincidence isn't one. Papa will take her in and like Heisenburg's principle of the observer changing the observed, it will just go smoother without mama-worry-bear hovering.

Oh there will be plenty more opportunities to hover and explain and cajole and step in and step back. Good thing I like dancing.

I have been quite freaked out about this for awhile, especially around the new year when the change of date made the K-Day approach palpable and the gap between her and her peers was clearly growing rather than shrinking. She makes progress all the time but a typical kid is going light speed to her highway pace. We were reading Harry Potter with my son at age 5 and he had no problem with the complexities of the story. A is more at Caillou speed. This is not bad, it's just so different.

For the most part I do not spend time comparing her to her peers, I just focus on where she is and where she is going, but soon, next week in fact, she'll be in a room with her peers for 6 hours a day, 5 days per week. She has experience with preschool for 6 hours a week with her peers and daycare for 3 days per week with kids ranging in age from 18 months to 5 years. That range gave her lots of options for interaction with both early and sophisticated movers and talkers. She has benefited from the interactions with other kids and I know she really likes a couple of the kids but the kids already sense a difference and the divide between her and the others is undeniable. None of this matters to her now. She enjoys everything. But what about Kindergarten and grades 1-7? This may be the set of kids who she's with for years and years.

Last spring, over a year ago now, our supported child care development representative asked us to get an assessment of Ariel. The assessment had to be from a specific centre near a specific hospital. We asked how to get this and she said, just get a doctor referral. We asked the doctor when it came time for the next appointment and he thought it was unnecessary and probably not possible to get an appointment in time for school anyway. This was 18 months before K-day. We talked to our school staff as well and they also thought it unnecessary. We left messages for the scd rep and never heard back.

Last September rolls around, 1 year to K-day, and the supported child care development representative leaves more messages asking for this assessment. We reiterate that both our doctor and the school believe it unnecessary and don't seem to know about this requirement so could she write it down for us as a 'prescription'? In the meantime we have more appointments with the doctor and the principal of the school. The doctor puts us on the wait list for the assessment all the while warning us that kids with Down Syndrome are not likely to get the assessment because they have a known range of symptoms. The principal checks in with some folks from the district and they say yes we need the assessment because kids with Down Syndrome have a wide range of symptoms. So I get more and more frustrated at a situation that is clearly putting the family in the middle of a ministry of health versus ministry of education battle.

In January I have several dark nights of the soul. I need to spend more time with A working on basic stuff that we always work on but never have enough time for. Stuff like letting her struggle with putting on her own shoes or getting her own lunch box and putting it into her backpack. Even on my days off I am rushing her and her brother around to school and appointments and lessons and I need some space to let her learn and be with her.

My awesome boss works with me to come up with a plan where I can stay involved with my work team but reduce my hours temporarily, June through October. This gives me time to work with her one on one and time to interact with the new teacher and Educational Assistant.

In June, we gather up all the assessments we have from various programs and from our wonderful speech therapist. We await the school meeting between the BC Centre For Ability therapist team and the school and district representatives and ourselves. This is to be the meeting where the information is shared and gathered that will determine the level of support she gets. The week before the meeting we hear that the rotating strikes with likely turn into a full scale strike. I happen to be at the school volunteering for a thank the teachers event. I triple check with the principal. The meeting is still on right? He looks at me with some surprise, tells me he’ll be right back and then sometime later confirms that the meeting will go ahead but not with all the key players. Unfortunately the speech therapist for the district cannot come due to the strike action. I’m crushed because my speech therapist has so, so much information to transfer and I cannot have her time in September or October or whenever school starts because she’ll be taking on her new case load. The meeting goes ahead. It seems to be productive. I meet the Educational Assistant that will be assigned to A half time. Half time might be good. It might not be good. I don’t know. That will be enough to keep her safe but I don’t want school to be a babysitting exercise. The kid can learn and learn she must.

Late June, my mother dies unexpectedly of a heart attack. We all fly to Ontario to be with my family. I stay longer than the rest of the family. My A-plans are shot for awhile but the trip and the time away from me seem to actually stimulate her brain and she makes loads of progress on our goals. Our theory is that travel, especially to somewhere familiar, sparks something in her brain and she goes faster for awhile.

Late August, the talks break off between the B.C. teachers’ union and the B.C. government negotiating team. I rant, I rave, I write letters. Nothing. Zero acknowledgement from my MLA or any elected official. I go to rallies, I write more letters. I'm incensed with the feeling of being held hostage by a government that doesn't give a crap about people and frustrated by other parents who can't see that the teachers are the only ones putting anything on the line here. But that's a post for another time.

I organize a rally and just as I'm trying to figure out how to reach all the parents at our school and the nearby high schools, a deal is reached. Through my lividness at the strike situation I was secretly thankful to have more time. More time to play and fumble around with fastening seat belts and working with buttons and snaps and trying some pre-printing exercises. Now I must quickly shift gears. The day is upon us. I will never feel ready.

This isn't about leaving her. I've had to do that for daycare and preschool and babysitters. This is about a new frontier. Full-day French Immersion Kindergarten. Big kids on the big playground. A whole new group of kids who will all be way ahead of her. A growing awareness of what she can and can't do. This is also about what will happen outside the class. What will her brother do the first time someone says something mean about her in front of him. What will other kids do, the ones that know her and the ones that don't. How different is it now in the cruel schoolyard from when I grew up?

Friday, the teachers went in to clean and arrange their classrooms for the year ahead. I go in with treats to express my support and help out. I run into the two Educational Assistants who will be working with A and her classmate. We chat. I express some of my fears. They are excited and have a plan for each item I mention. I run into her teacher. She tells me about all the research she has done in preparation for having A and her classmate. Her mother is a Learning Support Specialist in a nearby district and she has found all kinds of visuals supports to help her. She is also excited. I am deeply moved and grateful for these professionals who have just been through 5 months of stress and reduced pay. They are all here on a non-teaching day willing to work with me and thrilled to be on the threshold of getting to know A. Maybe they know something. Maybe they feel the wave of Miss A coming their way and they're ready to surf.

More soon I hope.

2010

This has been quite an intense year. We started with big hopes that we would get more sleep and that FarMor would be ok. We thought we'd get away on vacation at some point and we were excited about kindergarten. Well, it's been completely different than what we wished for in all those areas but we have been very blessed in other areas.

We are still really tired. Little A still wakes up in the night, some nights quite alot. We have night weaned and now we are considering either bringing her bed into our room or keeping in her own room and let her cry more than we do now (which is not too much). If I knew what would work, I would just do it but I feel my mother's instinct is quite blank in this area. All I know is we really need some sleep. We were just visiting Farfar and we all slept in one room. Weirdly, that worked out just fine and she slept through the night for both nights we were there. So, perhaps a clue.

We have not had a vacation but we are going to go to a friend's cabin tomorrow morning. Whoo hoo!

The kindergarten transition needs its own post but let's just say it was WAY more intense than even I was expecting. The good news is, little T got an award for most improved so things are looking up.

I have completed 4 out of 5 of the Coach Training Institute's foundation courses. I am completely amazed by this curriculum and very excited about how I will work with it in my life and future work. I'm still at home right now and I hope to be for awhile longer. I feel so lucky that we've been able to eke it out on one income and with one car. I think it's been really important for both kids.

What am I proud of this year?
I'm so proud of my kids. Little T for handling the roller coaster of emotion around him and within himself and for making new friends at school and being able to express his fears more clearly. Little A for just being so clear and open. For trying hard and for fighting back. For signing and using the potty and telling us off when we've pushed her too far. I'm proud of DH big T for working so hard and being so present with all that was going on. I'm especially grateful for the night time parenting help. For myself, I'm proud of trying something new and taking a risk on the CTI training. I'm proud to be listening to more of myself, not just the very, very strong left brain where all the worry comes from but other signals too. Signals that say, stay home if you want to, it'll be fine. So what if you can't buy all the boots you want? There will be other times for that stuff.

What do I want more of next year?
Of course I want more sleep. That is the foundation of everything else. I would like to see my friends and family more. I would like this place to be a hub of social activity as well as a refuge from it. I would like to write. Here and maybe elsewhere. I would like a few trips. I would like to have lots and lots of time with the kiddos while they still want to hang out with me. Oh yeah, it would be good to read some books.

So, we wish you all the best New Year and we hope you can take some time to take stock and consider what you want to keep and what you want to leave behind.

humuhumunukunukuapua'a

Farmor, your grandson has something to say to you.

Thankful for Good Health

Last week I took baby A to the hospital for a routine blood test for her thyroid. T had taken her to a medical lab the week before but they had not been able to get a good vein so the poking and prodding had been in vain. The lab at the hospital was a better bet for finding kids' veins.

I was not looking forward to it but it had to be done so off we went, just the two of us. I had had a restless night so I was bone tired. Being tired is not unusual for me but most of the time, bad nights are due to one or both of the kids. So, I was scanning my state trying to figure out what was bugging me. As we made our way there, parked and walked to the lab it became increasingly obvious. I was having an internal freak-out about the needle that was about to pierce my precious child's arm. I've always hated needles and the thought of her happy little self suddenly feeling pain while I held her there insisting that it was good and the right thing to do was causing a turmoil that kept me awake and created a pit in my stomach. As I waited there with her in the waiting room, I kept thinking how foolish I was. After all, she's healthy. We've only had a few routine tests. We've never had a hospital stay. We've only had one really bad fever / flu. We are so blessed and lucky. And yet, there I was shaking in my boots.

Her cry of protest was heartbreaking but the very experienced nurses did their work quickly and little A was cheerful again long before I was.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can't believe the bravery of all the parents I've read about who have kept vigils for their little ones while they undergo all kinds of scary procedures. Brain operations, heart operations, bowel operations. I'm also trying to say THANK YOU GOD! We are so lucky to have been spared that walk so far and my heart and prayers go out to all families who are in waiting rooms with that pit in their stomachs.

She's back!

Well, almost back to normal. Baby A is the tiniest bit cranky but overall it's smiles and chuckles again. I took her to the doctor yesterday and he pronounced it a nasty flu / cold combo and nothing serious. She gave him the lower lip and hauled me out of there relieved but still exhausted from my week long stint as nurse. You would think I would be used to this but t has only been sick about 3 times in 5 years.

We're lucky with him and we're really lucky this is the first big one for A. We're also grateful it's all cleared up before the upcoming birthday celebration.

Thanks for your prayers, concern and good thoughts.

Christmas Update

I hope all of you had a great Christmas. Thank you to everyone who came by, thank you to everyone who hosted, thank you to well-wishers who drop by this blog and a huge thank you to everyone for the insane amount of presents for the kids. There is enough stuff here for another two Christmas's. We know we are lucky and we are striving to pass that message on to the kids.

On the Monday before Christmas, I took little t out to buy something for someone else, for someone who may not get any presents. Our local Christmas Bureau accepts new gifts for kids. Families who need the service can come and 'shop' for what they need. Little t busted out his piggy bank and put in some of his own money and I made up the rest. He chose a Nerf sword which he wanted to play with. It was interesting. I could see he really wanted it but he understood the whole exercise was to give it away. Thanks to friends N & L for coming too. I'm glad we did it. We need to do alot more of that I think.

Baby A proved herself to be a real party girl. She would not settle down for bed on Christmas night because there were new people around. When I went to pick her up, instead of rooting for milk as she would normally do, she pulled her whole body (and mine) toward the door and toward the party. She can't stand missing anything. I took her to the pediatrician for a check up on the 29th and she thought the waiting room was another party. Why not? There were kids, toys, books and a nice lady greeting everyone. When she's excited she lets out a James Brown yelp and that's what she did all week. Party, party, party.

I'm pretty exhausted so we're keeping things low key for New Year's Eve and Day. There will be a good dinner of course and hopefully a walk or two. We will also look through our pictures of 2009 to reflect on the year and share our hopes for 2010.

Here are some shots of our fun times. Up above, the kids are wearing their nisser hats. Nisser (pronounced something like Nissa) means elf in Danish. Down below we see baby A eating a good book in front of the Christmas carnage. Mmmmm book.

Here's little t on Christmas Eve in front of our tree.

Finally, here is baby A on her first Christmas, playing mostly with wrapping paper. This is my first experiment with iMovie. She normally smiles more than this but I didn't get nearly as much footage as I would have liked. Anyway, despite her serious intent, she's having lot's of fun.

Feed Me!

A is no longer a vegetarian. Well, I suppose she wasn't really a vegetarian since I was feeding her mama milk and I eat meat but as of this week she has tried turkey and chicken directly from the baby jars. She loves it. It's like we've been starving her and she was already eating well.

Here she is trying to eat her brother's shoulder.

We continue to be grateful for everything that works. Feeding is one of them.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of my favourite holidays. You get to feast and celebrate with your loved ones but there's no pressure to buy everyone their dream come true. You just show up (or host) and have a great time. If you're paying attention to the season, you also reflect on your many blessings. I am grateful for so much this year. For little A who is a sparkly sparkle, for her health and for all the people, old friends and new, who stepped in and helped us out when she was born. That was only 7 months ago and it was without a doubt the craziest, most intense time of my life so far. I'm grateful for little t who is also a sparkly sparkle star. He has embraced A with so much love and acceptance and it's inspiring. For big T being a good man in a storm. For my family who also embraced us all and some of whom camped out here until we were ok. I'm grateful for my friend S who has opened many doors of inquiry, curiousity, healing and self-knowledge. I'm grateful for every scrap of sleep. I'm grateful for the amazing trip to the big lake this summer. I'm grateful for the harvest. That's where this seasonal feasting all originated, the harvest, and I'm glad to 'subscribe' to a real harvest and feed my family with it.

We went to visit Farfar and Farmor this Thanksgiving. It was too short but still a wonderful trip. We are all grateful to them for the many many times they have hosted holidays and the huge effort they put into making it all very special. Thank you, thank you.

Here are some highlights; The picture at the top is the beautiful holiday table.

Blowing off some steam on the ferry. There was a looooonnnnnng wait to get on.


Here's t doing a dance of excitement after the long journey.



Here is a shot of FF & FM with the kids. Everyone is wearing bandanas that Tor picked out for them so they could all be cowboys.



Here are FM with A. They got along famously. A never missed a chance to smile at her FM.


It turns out the ergo carrier really can handle up to 40 lbs! Tor sometimes wants to be the baby so here he is in the carrier on the way home. We're practicing our 'Blue Steel' look for the camera.

Offline for a few weeks...

We'll be off-line for awhile. We're heading to a spot without internet or cell-phone access for 3 weeks! We'll be back in mid-August. It's just the kids and I for this trip so wish me luck. We'll be with my side of the family so there will be lot's of excitement. I leave you with some pictures of summer's bounty, all served outside on the deck. Thanks to our friends for cleaning it up while we were away in the spring.

Dessert


Gravlax made from the salmon which the boys caught, served with shredded beets from the farm we subscribe to. Arugula pesto on the side. (no I don't concoct this stuff, I just enjoy it immensely)


Blackberries picked by t. and I, from the alley one block over. These are early this year. I hope we don't miss the whole crop while we're away.

Happy Canada Day

No pictures today, it's too late. We went to the beach again and had a great time. We actually crossed the border into Point Roberts which is a little spit of land belonging to America but attached to Canada. We just wanted to look around and see if there are any nice beaches there. The line up to come back was nearly an hour and there was an altercation between a car trying to butt in line and the buttee. The latter crashed into the former and it was pretty silly. Meanwhile the kids are exhausted and A starts crying because the car is not moving. I'm not anxious to go back there.

I told t stories of Dad (Grandpa J) leaving Hungary and arriving in Canada. How he and Uncle F landed in Vancouver and had to take the train to Ontario. They had offers of adoption from all kinds of people but they eventually made it to Tillsonburg, went to school, learned English and grew to be fine Canadians. Canada Day was really important to Dad and it still means alot to me. What about all of you? What stories about Canada do you remember?

Well Covered

Last week or maybe it was the week before... I was presented with a most beautiful creation. A quilt built of many lovely squares. Thank you to all who contributed to this lovely gift. Little A is certainly well provided for in terms of clothes and blankets. This quilt joins two handknit handcrocheted blankets from Grandma R and Auntie S and loads of clothes including the cute red number from FarMor. Check her out! She's 15 weeks now and a pretty happy kid.